Challenges That Arise with Being a Military Spouse
Being a military spouse is no easy lifestyle. There are many changes and challenges to adjust to when entering this new dynamic. From the living transitions and physical distance to unprecedented stressors and other high demands, there is a lot to take on to if you’re not ready for the obstacles up ahead. Learn more about the challenges faced as a military spouse and what a few of our counselors had to say about it below.
Transitions
The transition of typical roles in the relationship can be one of the most significant challenges faced. While the service member may have been spending long periods of time away, the parter at home has likely been operating on their own schedule.
“While active duty often provides clear (if difficult) roles, coming home blurs those lines.” Rebecca Stevenson, LCSW When a service member returns home, they are likely entering a system that was created by the spouse that has been home. Reintegrating their role can create friction and tension.
It’s important to remember you aren’t alone in this situation. “Military couples, law enforcement, health and safety workers, and other emergency responders have similar challenges in their relationships. Often, one partner is spending a significant amount of time away from home, and has a difficult time reintegrating into the workflow of the household. I’ve seen this challenge present itself in several ways within military couples particularly.” Quintin Talley, LPC, LCPC
The Pressure
When signing up to be a military spouse you likely understand the pressure it comes with, at least to an extent. Sometimes spouses feel guilty about their feelings or that they ‘aren’t allowed’ to complain about what should have been expected. “This pressure often forces both partners to swallow frustration, grief, and exhaustion rather than naming them. In therapy, we have to break this silence to prevent these suppressed emotions from turning into deep-seated resentment.” Rebecca Stevenson
While you may have an idea what it will be like to be married to a service member, reality often serves up some surprises and intense emotions. “The amount of time a spouse may be out of the home for work as well as non-standard schedules with job travel or mandatory overtimes may make it feel difficult to connect with your spouse or to feel prioritized. Sometimes the high demands of the work also results in your spouse coming home emotionally guarded, overly tired, reactive, or distant.” Jes Corey, LPC
How We Work Through It
“Naming the Sacrifices: Giving voice to the unseen labor and the experiences both partners carried in isolation.
Renegotiating Roles: Moving from rigid “survival roles” back into a flexible partnership.
Prioritizing Reconnection: Moving past logistics to reintroduce intimacy and romance after years of high-stakes stress.” Rebecca Stevenson
“Couples can work through some of these challenges by ensuring that they have some safe ways to talk about work strain, connecting emotionally and attending to the differences in each other’s work obligations from your relational ones. Sometimes that is just exploring financial obligations, sometimes that is just working on transition skills between work and home, sometimes that is communication strategies to improve connection and care.” Jes Corey
To learn more about how a counselor can support you and your partner, click here to get started with our intake coordinator or schedule your first session today.
