What Questions are Asked in Premarital Counseling?
Not many things in life are as exciting as falling in love and finding your life partner. While it’s easy to see everything through rose colored glasses, building a strong foundation for your marriage can really help you and your future spouse create a long and happy life together.
To help you and your partner feel more comfortable about what to expect in premarital counseling, we asked some of our own therapists what questions they like to ask! Check out some of the conversations they like to have in their sessions:
“What worries do you have around getting married? What hopes do you have?“
This opens up sessions with an initial set of topics to try to understand your hopes, worries, expectations and boundaries. Some you may cover quickly while others may take some time to unpack together.
“How do you all fight? How do you recover and repair?”
Conflict can be very difficult, but is also very normal. How you move forward past these times in a healthy way is really what counts and shapes your strength.
“How was conflict handled growing up? What did love look like in your family? How did those experiences shape you? How do you react when you feel blamed, misunderstood, or disconnected?”
Asking about upbringing helps uncover the stories and patterns each person brings into the relationship.
“How do your values align and how do they differ?”
This helps shape an image of the future – how you treat other, handle finances, having a family, division of labor, intimacy, and life goals.
“Let’s talk about how you communicate.”
Most couples aren’t arguing about one isolated issue, they’re caught in a cycle. In order to manage all the things life throws your way and the balance between security and freedom in a lifelong partnership, you’ll need to learn the communication and listening skills needed to break these toxic patterns.
“What is the meaning of marriage for you?”
This lets the couple really think about what marriage looks like for each of them on a personal level. You may spend time here really understanding what a marriage is to you – the commitment, the connection, the trust, the building of a life together.
“How do you manage stress or anxiety? How do you handle your partner’s anxiety or stress?”
Being overwhelmed is already an intense feeling. Finding healthy ways to manager your own and be there to support your partner are important pillars to a strong relationship. Learn ways to self-sooth and cope when things, either you or your partner, get tense.
“What is the most vulnerable you have ever been with your partner?”
This question can open up a lot, depending on the couple. Was it difficult to be vulnerable? Are you holding back feelings?
“What’s your personal comfort level with finances? What do you think you’re really good at when it comes to money? Where do you feel you struggle? Where do you perceive your partner struggles? Would you describe your last conflict about money?”
Premarital counseling can uncover both areas of strength and areas to work on. From there, you’ll develop effective communication strategies to make conversation around these and other topics productive.
“Let’s discuss healthy stages of relationship development and where couples can experience difficulties“
This emphasizes how normal transitions and conflict can be. If you ever find yourself in an unhealthy pattern, you can think back to these sessions to remember the normalcy in this and that it is solvable.
Every therapist at Well Marriage Center is trained and experienced in premarital counseling. Together, you’ll define your goals, explore your past, talk through your relational strengths and discuss the future.
Reach out today to learn more, book a free consultation or schedule your first session.
