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Marriage Counseling Tips

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If you find yourself unable to communicate with your spouse, it can be difficult to make positive changes in your relationship. Whether it’s consistent arguments, minor disagreements, or avoidance, marriage counseling is an effective way to revitalize a marriage. Marriage and couples counseling can help with issues such as financial concerns, life changes like a new job, stress of children, disagreements in general, and any communication breakdown that couples might face together. 

In this article, we’ll explore tips for couples counseling, marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship, and even tips to support you in a dating or premarital counseling journey if you’re not married.

How to Prepare for Couples Counseling

Preparing for couples counseling begins with exploring you and your partner’s needs, goals, and expectations. Counseling can be daunting if you don’t know what will happen during your session, which might leave you asking, “How do I prepare for my first couples counseling session?” Below are five tips to help you get ready for your first couples counseling session:

1. Be Open-Minded 

With all of the stigma surrounding marriage counseling, it can be difficult to admit it is time to take action . You might think you should be able to do it on your own, but ultimately it is beneficial to seek help, if only to have a safe space for conflict resolution. Counseling sessions often include in-depth conversations about your relationship like setting expectations, goals, your intimacy, sex life, and expressing needs. 

Marriage counseling is a learning experience that helps you and your partner identify problems and develop strategies to overcome those problems. You can also expect to:

  • Discuss your fears and manage their effect on how you communicate with your partner.
  • Learn how to effectively communicate and resolve conflicts.
  • Understand your partner’s past experiences and how they influence their actions.
  • Express your needs in a healthy way, without anger or resentment.
  • Consider how you handle situations to be less reactive and more proactive.
  • Rebuild and renew your relationship with your partner.

By going into counseling with an open mind, you’ll be able to better utilize the tools provided to you during your sessions. 

2. Discuss Shared Goals

What do you and your partner want to accomplish during marriage counseling? Do you want to address sex and intimacy issues? Is healthy communication a top priority? Is there financial stress or big life transitions like a new job or baby? Are you finding yourself arguing more and more? You can explore several questions with your partner to set goals for your counseling sessions. It is worthwhile to lay out all of the issues you both think are important to focus on before meeting with a therapist. 

A few marriage counseling questions you can work through with your partner before attending your first session include:

  • What are the key challenges in your relationship that you wish to resolve?
  • What do you want to accomplish with marriage counseling?
  • Do you and your partner have the same goals?
  • If not, what goals are most important to each of you?

3. Set Realistic Expectations

Understanding what you’ll gain from marriage counseling is important, but it can be easy to set unrealistic expectations before you begin. Counseling won’t solve your problems overnight; it takes work. However, you shouldn’t expect to get into the nitty-gritty during your first meeting with a therapist. The first counseling session is intended to introduce yourselves to your therapist, give some background information, and establish goals and priorities. 

As you continue your sessions, realistic expectations of marriage counseling should be:

  • Finding an unbiased third-party that listens to and understands your conflicts.
  • Identifying and addressing systemic issues that affect you and your spouse.
  • Developing solutions to address areas of contention and implementing them at home.
  • Learning how to communicate with and listen to your partner in a safe setting.
  • Maintaining commitment, appreciation, and love for your partner during and after the process.

Ultimately your expectations should be to effectively communicate with your partner and attempt to resolve issues that have driven you apart.

4. Identify Your Feelings and Assumptions

Marriage counseling can help you address some personal issues as well. If you find yourself assuming your partner no longer loves you, doesn’t care about your emotions, or isn’t attracted to you anymore, it is important to vocalize those sentiments in a safe space. Before you go to your first session, you should ask yourself questions like:

  • Do I assume my partner’s feelings about me or our marriage?
  • Do I think my partner is capable of change? Why?
  • Has my partner addressed these issues with me in the past?
  • Do I project my feelings onto my partner?

These tough questions can help you better understand your emotions and perceptions of your partner’s feelings. You want to address these during couples counseling sessions, so your therapist can help you navigate these sentiments.

5. Search for a Therapist/Counselor

Once you’ve set your goals and identified areas of improvement, you can search for a marriage counselor that meets your needs. Finding a qualified therapist might take some time, as you should ask questions to make sure they’re the right match for you. 

Some questions for a potential therapist you might want to consider include:

 

  • What do you believe makes a relationship successful?
  • How many of the couples you’ve helped see improvement due to your counseling?
  • How do you determine when it is appropriate to end counseling?

Remove any negative questions like, “What’s your opinion on divorce?” and aim your attention on how you can succeed. Some counselors might focus on weaknesses right off the bat, but providers like Well Marriage Center take strengths-based and marriage-first approaches to help you build a foundation for success in your relationship.

Many marriage counseling exercises will have you examining your goals and expectations, being prepared will help you navigate those difficult discussions together. Be sure to focus on what you need as an individual and a couple and find a therapist to revitalize your relationship.

What Questions Do Marriage Counselors Ask At the Beginning?

Marriage counseling can lead to great success in your relationship. If you’re considering marriage counseling, you might not be sure what to expect. Here are three questions that will come up during your beginning counseling discussions:

Who Are You? What Is Your Story?

Before you dive into the in-depth conversations, your therapist will want to get to know you, your partner, and your marriage. This will help them understand your dynamics as a couple, what is important to you inside and outside of the marriage, and any concerns you may have. Your therapist will get to know you so they can help you make your sessions beneficial for your relationship.

What Do You Value About Your Relationship?

In marriage counseling, you need to focus on the strengths and dynamics of your relationship. This includes discussing the pieces of your marriage that you value the most. What draws you to your partner? How do they make you feel? What do you appreciate about them? Understanding what you value—and how you are valued—leads to a stronger emotional connection in your marriage. You’ll be able to explore how those values impact your marriage now and into the future. That will be beneficial in creating a strong and lasting marriage. 

What Do Marriage Mean to You?

Sometimes partners have different ideas about what marriage means. That is not a bad thing! However, it’s important to discuss expectations that are new or have changed if you’re struggling to communicate them clearly. Are there any roles you expect your partner to fill? Answering these and similar questions will help you understand what your partner expects from you in your marriage and how that aligns with your beliefs. 

These questions will help therapists get to know you and your relationship better before diving into the nitty-gritty details. Also be prepared to discuss any expectations you have for counseling, disagreements or successes between you and your partner, and what you think is most valuable to focus on during your sessions. Counseling takes time and effort and you shouldn’t expect to solve your concerns during the first session. Set expectations and goals from the beginning and you will find more success.

What to Say in Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling is about working together, and any conversations about reaching goals, navigating disagreements, and addressing personal feelings are greatly encouraged. Aim to have conversations with your spouse that promote healing within and outside of counseling sessions. During your counseling plan and counseling sessions, you should:

  • Ask tough questions of yourself and your partner to uncover underlying issues.
  • Be open and honest about your feelings without accusing or demeaning your partner.
  • Instead of attacks, use communication techniques like “I feel” statements.
  • Revisit and reflect on past discussions outside of sessions and address any concerns in the next one.

Don’t shy away from the tough topics! Growth can be difficult without facing issues head-on. At Well Marriage Center, we promote healthy discussion that leads to restoring marriages and believe that a strengths-based approach leads to success. Your sessions should help you to strengthen your marriage, not tear it down.

How Can I Make My Marriage Counseling More Effective?

Successful and effective marriage counseling relies on clear communication. By addressing the issues within your marriage openly, and with guidance, you’ll see more success in your sessions. Here are a few tips for effective marriage counseling:

  • Avoid negativity, accusations, and attacks. Aim for positivity and collaboration.
  • Focus on changing yourself—not your spouse—and communicate your needs clearly.
  • Seek to understand your partner’s perspective and learn to accommodate their needs.
  • Remember—it’s not about you, it’s about us. You both deserve respect and attention.
  • Keep in mind your therapist will help guide you through discussions and isn’t picking sides.

While there are many more tips on effective marriage counseling, remember that you and your spouse both need to put in the work to make it successful. 

Do I Need Marriage Counseling?

While only you and your spouse can determine whether it is time for marriage counseling, here are a few concerns to consider: 

  • Consistent negative communication 
  • Lies
  • Secrets
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Blame and Defensiveness
  • Contempt
  • Withdrawal and feeling lonely

It can be difficult to navigate situations with your spouse without clear communication, which is a major source of relational issues. If you or your partner are unsure about pursuing counseling, it can be helpful to answer these questions and determine whether or not you want to choose this option:

  • Do you trust your partner? Why or why not?
  • Are you being dishonest with your partner?
  • Do you view your partner as an antagonist (the “bad guy”)?
  • Do you consistently have arguments? Are they frequently about similar issues?
  • Have you become indifferent about your marriage?
  • Do you compromise on important issues? / Do you have to get your way?
  • Do you feel safe physically and emotionally?

If you’re experiencing any distress while answering these questions, reaching out to a marriage counselor might be beneficial . Well Marriage Center has several resources for you and your partner to make the best decision for your relationship.

What Percentage of Marriage Counseling is Successful?

Marriage counseling works! Several studies have determined that 70-75% of couples who attend counseling are successful at renewing their marriage. However, don’t expect your relationship to be perfect after one or two sessions. On average, couples counseling lasts between 10 and 25 sessions, so there is plenty of time to identify and resolve any issues you’re facing as a couple. 

How Do You Succeed In Couples Therapy?

At Well Marriage Center, we help couples overcome hurdles, interrupt unhealthy cycles, strengthen their communication, heal attachment wounds, and revitalize their relationship. Our strengths-based approach enables couples to identify their strengths, rather than focusing on weaknesses. We don’t see a difference between couples therapy vs marriage counseling. When it comes to building relationships, we find counseling an important tool for all couples. 

We want to build your relationship up! Let us support you in making your marriage counseling experience a success. If you’d like to build a happier, healthier relationship, contact us by filling out our intake form and setting up a call with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda.


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What Not To Say During Couples Counseling

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Before you decide to go to marriage counseling, it can seem a bit overwhelming. What are the right things to say? Is there anything you shouldn’t say? Of course, these fears can get in the way of open and honest communication between you and your partner. But couples counseling is about working together, and some things shouldn’t be said—like accusatory statements or hurtful comments.

So, when it comes to marriage counseling and what not to say, it’s important to remember that it is a team effort and everyone’s feelings should be considered and respected. 

Most often, couples don’t feel worse after marriage counseling. In fact, it can be incredibly successful—75% of couples, on average, are able to rekindle their relationship through couples therapy. In this blog, we’ll talk about one of the common marriage counseling issues: communication.

3 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner

In marriage counseling, tensions can get high when confronting complex  issues head on, even with a plan and a great  therapist. It’s important to remember that even in the heat of the moment, you should never attack or accuse your significant other. Remember the saying that you can’t take back what you say? That stands true, especially in vulnerable situations like couples therapy. While voicing your concern is important,  there are productive ways to speak with your partner, even in tense situations. Here are a few things you should never say to your partner. 

1. Attacks

In the heat of the moment, it might be tempting to say something you know will hurt your significant other’s feelings. Whether that’s something like “You’re so selfish!” or “I wish I never met you!” it’s important to approach those feelings in a constructive way. Attacks only produce resentment, hostility, and more distance. In a counseling session, the counselor should guide you through a productive discussion that avoids attacks and instead leads you to voice your frustrations in effective ways. 

2. Accusations

Accusing your significant other of things like intentionally hurting you or even “If you really loved me, you’d do x for me!” can place a huge burden on a relationship. If you have concerns about the way your partner approaches certain issues, you can make that known through techniques like the “I feel” statement. Try, “I feel…frustrated and overwhelmed when you don’t help me clean the house,” instead of, “You need to help me clean the house!” Of course, a marriage counselor can help you navigate those feelings and communicate them clearly and in a non-accusatory way. 

 

3. Blame

It might be tempting to make your partner feel guilty by bringing up something hurtful they’ve done in the past. But blaming them for how you feel isn’t fair. Significant others can hurt your feelings, but it’s often not an intentional outcome. Imagine you were out with friends and forgot to text that you were safe, and your partner’s response was telling you, “You must not love me because you don’t respect me and my feelings.” That’s a pretty harsh response to an honest mistake. Marriage counseling can help you avoid these reactions and fill your communication toolbox with healthy responses and approaches.

This list is by no means comprehensive, but avoiding these main three things is essential to building trust and healthy communication styles. You should aim to discuss things with your partner in a way that leads to healing inside and outside of the counseling session.  Well Marriage Center offers you several resources for the dos and don’ts of marriage counseling, so you can feel confident in your decision to work with a licensed therapist.  We want to help you renew your relationship and build communication skills in a safe and comfortable environment. 

What Should I Not Tell a Marriage Counselor? 

Being completely honest with your partner and therapist can be nerve-wracking. Vulnerability is tough to manage, but with a therapist, you should be able to explore your feelings more openly. Marriage counseling is a joint therapy plan that helps you navigate your relationship with someone else, which can be paired with individual sessions so you have the opportunity to share your feelings in both settings. You should always be honest with your counselor. They are there to help you, even if you sometimes disagree with their suggestions. 

While couples counseling is built to be open and honest with your partner, a therapist might inform your partner of something you’ve said individually. Counselors are there to help you and your partner figure things out together, not take sides. You shouldn’t expect to tell a therapist a secret during a session that you want to be kept from your partner. However, the urge to keep secrets might be a good thing to discuss with your therapist. They can help you plan a healthier way of dealing with or communicating secrets and feelings.

Strengths-Based Marriage Counseling

At Well Marriage Center, we believe in focusing on the strengths of your relationship. Marriage counseling is about finding renewal and success in your partnership, not tearing each other down. Our experience helping over 15,000 couples can lead you through communication, trauma, sex, forgiveness, and other issues affecting your marriage. If you want to begin your counseling journey today, fill out the intake form to connect with Melinda, our Intake Coordinator. We will tailor a plan specifically for your relationship to help you get the most out of your counseling.


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Signs Marriage Counseling is Working

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Marriage counseling can help couples get to the root causes of issues before those challenges shake the foundation of their relationship. Yet, it’s often seen as a last resort. Questions like “Is marriage counseling really worth it?” and “How do I know if couples therapy is working?” make couples hesitate starting the process. 

To help couples feel more confident in actively improving their relationship, we’ve put together this guide on signs that your marriage counseling is working. After all, counseling is a significant investment, so you want to make sure you’re getting the most out of it. The average length of marriage counseling is 12 – 20 sessions, and starting off on the right track will greatly improve your final results. So how can you tell that marriage counseling is actually helping your relationship? Let’s find out.

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

If you’re hesitating to start because you’re asking, “What are the odds of marriage counseling working?” it can help to know that the marriage counseling success rate, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), is 98%. This means that nearly all participants in marriage counseling had an overall good or excellent experience. A positive experience can include a variety outcomes, such as:

  • You and your partner are putting in the work to heal your relationship.
  • You and your partner can appreciate the positive aspects of your relationship, even during difficult times and conflicts.
  • You and your partner don’t dread attending sessions.
  • You and your partner have a positive working relationship with your counselor or therapist.
  • You and your partner discover how to make your relationship work moving forward and choose to stay together.

We’ll get into the specifics of each of these outcomes later, but it’s important to understand that couples therapy can be successful even if all of these milestones aren’t achieved. Every relationship is unique, and so the ideal end result will be different for each couple.  

Well, what about divorce rates—does marriage counseling really help marriages last?  

What Percentage of Couples in Therapy Get Divorced? 

Up to thirty-eight percent of married couples get divorced within 4 years after completing counseling. Considering that nearly 50% of marriages in the United States are expected to end in divorce, marriage counseling does give you a better chance of saving your relationship than working through your challenges alone. 

When To Go to Couples Therapy

If you are in a distressed relationship, it’s a good idea to begin couples therapy before underlying issues escalate into full-blown catastrophes. So what can cause distress in a relationship, and how do you know when it’s time to get professional help? Let’s take a look:

  • Small disputes escalate into major arguments
  • Disagreements on how to manage finances
  • Unbalanced desire for sexual intimacy between partners
  • Trust issues
  • Unequal distribution of household chores and parenting responsibilities
  • Conflicting parenting styles
  • Inability to communicate effectively
  • Attachment and codependency issues
  • Difficulties connecting with each other’s social circles and in-laws
  • Physical and mental health conditions
  • Lack of emotional support
  • Falling out of love or feeling like the “spark” is gone

These issues are common in relationships, but they don’t always present themselves clearly. For example, not putting effort into communication could be caused by a lack of excitement in the relationship. You don’t feel motivated to talk about big, difficult topics like how to manage finances and coordinate parenting styles because it all feels like work—with none of the spark that was there when you first got together. 

Even if you are able to navigate your way through the surfacing issues, leaving underlying conflicts unresolved will only lead to more stress. That’s the primary benefit of couples therapy—getting to the root cause of what’s holding your relationship back, so you can experience long-lasting benefits in other aspects of your life.

If your relationship is preparing to go through a major change, such as marriage, it can also help to begin pre-marriage counseling. Think of it like preventive care. If you strengthen your relationship before facing significant challenges, you’ll be more likely to get through those challenges with less strain on your partnership.  

Marriage Counseling Do’s and Don’ts

To get the most out of marriage counseling from the start, it helps to know some things you should do and others that you shouldn’t:

Do

  • Be willing to take responsibility
  • Be committed to working on your personal growth
  • Give your partner space to explain their perspective
  • Be active in the conversation—both when listening and sharing your thoughts
  • Be willing to compromise

Don’t

  • Expect immediate results
  • Find every opportunity to blame your partner
  • Interrupt your partner
  • Threaten divorce (or anything else)
  • Try to “win” counseling

How Do I Know If My Marriage Counseling Is Working?

The exact signs of success in marriage counseling vary from couple to couple depending on what their relationship needs, but common green flags are:

Your Relationship Is Healing

This is the big one. Most couples go into therapy together because they want their relationship to work, but they’re not sure how to get there on their own. Healing starts with communication. Sometimes it’s hard to express what you need, and sometimes it’s harder to know exactly what that is. A good sign that your therapy is working is that you and your partner feel comfortable talking about uncomfortable truths without worrying about backlash. 

Another sign that couples therapy is working is that you feel more affection for your partner again. When the hard work of relationships takes priority—whether that’s paying bills, raising kids, operating a family business, maintaining a home, or anything else—it’s easy for attraction to take a backseat. You may feel more like coworkers than romantic partners. When you start to feel that connection come back, you know your relationship is on the right path. You can see this through small changes like performing small acts of kindness for each other, flirting, and making time for emotional and physical intimacy.

Willingness To Attend Therapy Sessions

Therapy is hard, and if you’re there to discuss what isn’t going right in your relationship, it usually isn’t fun. But if you and your partner are making progress, it’s easier to attend those appointments, even knowing that they will challenge you. The hard conversations, the self-reflection, and the reevaluation of roles are paying off. 

You Can Acknowledge Both the Good and the Bad of the Relationship

It’s easy to get caught up in the negative when things aren’t going well. You feel angry, lost, and hurt. How can anything good come out of this relationship? On the other hand, the idea of admitting that anything is wrong at all could be too intimidating. If you acknowledge even minor flaws, then the whole relationship must be a failure, right? Not at all.

Even the healthiest relationships have their mix of good and bad. Part of the healing process is being able to acknowledge both without ignoring the other. For example, if you do all of the household chores, it’s easy to complain that your partner doesn’t contribute at all, and therefore conclude they aren’t putting enough into the relationship. But at the same time, your partner also works long hours to provide for your family and plans major trips. Instead of just labeling them as lazy, it’s important to acknowledge that they also work hard on different tasks. Then you could seek a compromise where your partner helps more around the house on a daily basis, while you participate more in planning vacations.   

You Are Willing To Do the Work—During Sessions and at Home

Opening up to your partner is hard. It’s even harder when someone else is in the room with you—at least at the beginning. It takes courage to be vulnerable, and that step alone is a good sign that your couples therapy is off to a promising start. 

But therapy doesn’t end once your appointment is over. There’s also important work to be done at home to change your behaviors and make lasting improvements. Couples therapy homework can include:

  • Writing a letter about your partner’s best qualities so you remember why you fell in love with them in the first place
  • Having conversations with “I feel” statements to bring up strong emotions that usually get bottled up
  • Recording memories to capture the meaningful moments throughout your relationship and get inspired to make more
  • Sharing your favorite things, like music, art, and movies, to help your partner understand how you relate to the world
  • Asking icebreaker questions—these may seem silly, but your partner’s favorite color, ice cream flavor, and so much more may have changed since you first met   

Life’s busy, so if you and your partner are willing to make room for these exercises, it’s a good sign that you’re invested in getting the most out of couples therapy.

You Like Working with Your Marriage Counselor

Your marriage counselor can make or break your healing process. If they’re not doing their job well, sessions could turn into shouting matches and you leave feeling worse than when you showed up. On the other hand, the signs of a good couples therapist are that they help each person take responsibility for their feelings and set boundaries. At Well Marriage Center, we work hard to help couples build trust, work through trauma, and navigate conflict.  

When To Stop Marriage Counseling

There are two reasons to stop marriage counseling: you and your partner have strengthened your relationship and can continue the work at home or you and your partner have decided to end your relationship. Typically, marriage counseling lasts up to six months before couples reach either of these points. 

What Kind of Therapist Is Best for Couples?

As we mentioned earlier, great marriage counselors encourage you and your partner to open up about difficult feelings in a constructive way. Our team of licensed, professional therapists at Well Marriage Center does just that to help couples find their way back to each other. We understand that each relationship has its own personality, challenges, and strengths, and can benefit from a personalized approach. 

To learn more about how to begin taking steps toward a healthier relationship, explore our website. If you feel ready for next steps, our Intake Coordinator, Melinda, would be happy to help you schedule an appointment.  


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Can Couples Therapy Help You Fall Back in Love?

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Most of us have heard of—and experienced—the honeymoon phase of a relationship. Sparks fly, and everything feels new, happy, and exciting. This stage of a relationship is truly wonderful, but it’s not what sustains a long-term relationship. The fact is, marriages and relationships take work, and they’re bound to have their highs and lows. 

As the months and years go by, it’s not uncommon for feelings to dim over time or for the little things to start adding up. You might start to feel more like roommates. And, you might start to question whether or not you’re still in love with your partner.

If any of this rings true, you might be wondering, “Can lost feelings come back?” The good news is that marriage counseling or couples therapy can help you reignite your love for one another—as long as you and your partner are willing to put in the work. In this guide, we’ll discuss how to bring love back into a marriage with counseling and signs that marriage counseling is working.

How Do You Fix a Relationship After Losing Feelings?

It probably won’t come as a surprise to learn that couples therapy won’t improve your relationship and rejuvenate your feelings overnight. It takes sustained work from both you and your partner. But with dedication and the right couples counselor, it’s more than possible to rekindle your feelings and your relationship! Here are a few tips to help you in this journey.

Be Ready to Put in the Work

There’s no doubt about it; couples therapy—and the work you do both in and out of sessions—is hard. During therapy sessions, you’ll likely find yourself having difficult conversations and confronting big or small issues in your relationship. Your counselor can help you identify unhealthy patterns in your relationship, understand the roadblocks or issues you are facing, and develop strategies to improve these situations—and ultimately, your relationship. 

In addition to showing up physically and mentally for counseling sessions, you may also be asked to do homework outside of sessions. For example, you might be asked to write your partner a letter about what you admire about them. Or, you might be asked to share experiences with one another, like watching a favorite movie, sharing a hobby, or going on a date. Putting the work in and intentionally completing these kinds of activities can help you rebuild the foundation of your relationship and fall back in “like” with each other, one of the key elements for finding your way back to love.

Remember What Made You Fall in Love in the First Place

When your relationship feels tense, it can be difficult to remember the good moments and what you love, or once loved, about your partner. Combine that with kids, bills, workplace stressors, and so much more, and it can be easy to forget your partner’s good qualities. But rediscovering the feelings you once had can go a long way to rekindling your love.

At Well Marriage Center, we practice a strengths-based approach to marriage counseling, which uses your individual and relational strengths to build a foundation for success. When we begin working with a couple, we start with a structured relationship strengths and wellness assessment. You’ll be asked to reflect and share what brought you together, what your relationship was like in the beginning, what some of your favorite moments have been, and more. Not only can doing this build a safe space to discuss your current relationship dynamics and issues, but it will help you remember what you truly admire about one another.

Be Vulnerable and Willing to Grow and Adapt

Maybe you’re feeling stressed about household chores, the kids, your job, or other responsibilities. Maybe you’ve found that your relationship has developed unhealthy communication patterns. Maybe a lack of intimacy has instilled feelings of doubt. Maybe things have gotten so rough or feel so hopeless that you’re wondering, “Is marriage counseling worth it?” 

While it may seem counterintuitive, being vulnerable and opening up about your concerns in a healthy and safe environment, like couples therapy, can help you and your partner reconnect. Our therapists are specifically trained to walk you through these moments of vulnerability. When resentments and negative feelings build up, it tends to block out the good stuff about your partner. If you can both open up about how you’re feeling and be willing to work on improving these problems, though, these negative feelings can fade in light of understanding. This will make it much easier to notice all the qualities about your partner that made you fall in love to begin with.

Do Couples Stay Together After Therapy?

Yes—time and time again we see couples rekindle their love for each other! Couples therapy often gets a bad reputation, and you’ve probably heard horror stories about therapists telling couples to split. But the truth is that many marriage counselors, including our team at Well Marriage Center, practice a pro-relationship approach to therapy. 

What this means is that you won’t have to worry about things like, “Will a couples therapist tell you to break up?” Our therapists are relationship specialists who will carry the support and hope that you and your partner can heal your relationship and rekindle your love.

Rebuild Your Love with Well Marriage Center

Beginning therapy is often a scary or anxiety-riddled endeavor for couples. At Well Marriage Center, we’ve made it our goal to ensure that you and your partner feel supported every step of the way. Before you get started, it can be helpful to review our website to find out more about our process and what to expect.

Once you’re ready, you can get started by filling out a short Intake Form and setting up a call with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. She’ll answer any questions you have and connect you with one of our experienced therapists. Taking the next step will take work—but your effort can help you reignite your relationship.


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How Can I Make My Marriage Counseling More Effective?

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You and your partner have decided that marriage counseling is a good fit—you are taking a big step toward a stronger relationship! Once you’ve chosen couples therapy as a helpful option, or even after you’ve attended a few sessions, it’s a good idea to consider how to get the most benefit from your therapy as a whole. 

In this article, we talk about practical things that can  be done to make your marriage counseling more effective, signs marriage counseling is working well, and examples of how strategies can be applied in real-world relationships.

How to Approach Couples Therapy

There are some things you can do before you begin couples therapy that can improve its effectiveness. If you’ve already had several sessions but maybe want to get even more out of your therapy, it’s never too late to apply these approaches.

It’s About the Couple as a Unit, Not About Each Person Individually

Couples therapy is all about understanding and improving the way you and your partner interact. It isn’t about one person ‘winning’ or someone being forced to change. Focusing on the dynamics within the relationship and the overall goals you have together as a couple is the best approach for getting the most out of couples therapy. 

As an example, let’s consider a couple struggling with dividing household chores. Both partners could come to a therapy session and focus on all the work around the house they do, and how one person does far less. However, it is more likely to be an effective counseling session if the couple arrives ready to talk about their expectations of what chores need to be done and how they can work together to achieve or adjust these expectations.

Name Your Objectives and Focus on the Big Picture Solutions

It’s easy to sit down in a couples therapy session and go through the play-by-play of your most recent fight. However, focusing on the broad goals and issues you are having in your relationship is more likely to produce lasting results. A discussion about how a singular fight might be resolved is less likely to produce lasting positive results for a couple. The best path forward to achieving their overall marriage goals is to focus on overall relationship objectives.

For instance, a couple might come into a counseling session in the midst of an argument about how one partner left their wet towel on the floor. Instead of focusing on the details of this specific argument, the couple could name their overall relationship objective that this situation highlights. They could then work with their counselor in the session to come up with the underlying issues that this specific challenge brings up for each of them.

How to Have Effective Couples Therapy

Once you have adjusted your mindset and are approaching couples therapy in the most effective way, there are some additional things you can do to potentially improve your marriage counseling success rate. Making sure you are discussing all of these ideas with your partner and your counselor, here are some tips for making couples therapy more effective once you’ve started.

Do Your Homework

When your counselor gives you ideas or assignments to do at home before your next appointment, prioritize them and commit to taking them seriously and making them happen. It’s easy to get busy with day-to-day life and put off couples therapy homework that may seem silly or make you uncomfortable. But in order to get the most out of your marriage counseling, you need to put in the work during sessions and at home.

For example, a counselor might recommend that a couple sits down individually and makes a list of things that their partner does that makes them feel happy before their next session. If each person puts off doing this, then scribbles down a few superficial things moments before the next session starts, they are unlikely to get much out of the exercise. If each partner spends time really thinking of times their partner was thoughtful and caring this exercise will be more effective. It will give the therapist more to work with in future sessions and foster more positive feelings for the relationship overall, too.

Be Willing to Work on Yourself

If you go into couples counseling thinking that your partner is the only one who needs to change, you are much less likely to have the most effective counseling experience. In fact, coming in with a long list of things your spouse must change could be on the Marriage Counseling: What Not to Say Checklist. It can even be helpful to come into therapy with more goals for yourself than your partner, because you have more control over your own actions and beliefs than anyone else’s.

Let’s look at an example of a couple coming to therapy to try to rekindle the romance in their marriage. If one partner comes with a list of things they want their spouse to start doing to be more romantic, it is less likely to enact lasting change. However, if that partner comes in thinking about what they consider romance and what they can do to themselves to create that within the relationship, the therapy session will likely be more effective.

Well Marriage Counseling: Building Stronger Relationships for a Brighter Future

Ultimately, more effective marriage counseling isn’t about how many times a week you should go to marriage counseling or the average length of marriage counseling. It’s about the mindset you and your partner come in with, and focusing on your biggest relationship objectives when you’re there. 

Well Marriage is the nation’s largest relationship specialty center. All our counselors are couples therapy experts with years of experience helping people just like you. We know how scary it can feel to start therapy, and we want to take as much of the guesswork and uncertainty out of the process as we can. 

You are on the right track for considering how to make your marriage better! Schedule an appointment with us to take the next step on your journey.


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What a Marriage Counselor Should Not Say

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While some reports show that marriage counseling has a positive impact on 70% of couples, the journey to healing your relationship is not always easy. Even if you and your partner agree that therapy is the best move, the connection you have with your counselor can profoundly impact the health of your relationship with your partner as well. It’s hard enough to find a therapist in the first place, and then it can also be difficult to know how to evaluate them. It is also not common for couples that are new to counseling to know that they can leave their therapist, and find a new one. They are ultimately there to serve you and your needs, not the other way around. That is what has motivated us to create this piece on marriage counseling: what not to say. We want couples to have more confidence in being able to identify if they are in the right place to heal their relationship. 

What Are the Signs of a Bad Couples Therapist?

It can be easy to attribute the problems with couples therapy to the pair seeking help. This can lead couples to stay with the wrong therapist much longer than they should. Let’s take a look at some of the signs of a bad couples therapist.

  • Uses Too Much Jargon: Your therapist is not there to confuse you and show off that they have a degree. The language they use in sessions should be to help you discover the root cause of your issue(s) and progress to a positive future. The best help a counselor can give you is to guide you and your spouse through whatever challenges your marriage is facing without resorting to jargon that you don’t understand.
  • Has Little or No Structure: Couples therapy needs to be conducted in a structured environment, with a clear cut plan and a positive end goal for the relationship. Before you meet with a counselor, ask them how they structure their sessions. They need to step in and give ample time for each person to speak their mind. There are too many emotions in play for a therapist to sit back and let the couple talk in circles for the whole session.
  • Treats All Couples the Same: Inexperienced counselors will use similar treatment methods from couple to couple. While some healthy habits and practices can be recommended to couples across various circumstances, you want your therapist to treat your unique situation as such. The special dynamics of your relationship may fit a certain strategy on paper, but the right therapist will customize their process to fit your situation.
  • Is Not Pro-Relationship: Whether or not you are married, counselors that push for divorce or breaking up as the top solution for your relationship may be too focused on you as an individual and not as a couple. So, what does pro-relationship counseling look like? Other therapists may practice what is called “marriage-neutral counseling.” This means the therapist will take a neutral approach toward whether or not you and your partner should stay together. Within these kinds of sessions, it is not uncommon for the counselor to encourage couples to split up rather than put in the work to better their relationship. 

Can Couples Counseling Make Things Worse?

Simply put no, marriage counseling will not make things worse. The catch is that both parties must be willing to put in the work to fix the issues. However, there are therapists that can cause damage to your marriage and even you and your partner’s mental health. It all comes down to your work and how well you and your partner connect with your counselor. Although it’s not always easy to spot the signs of an ineffective counselor, if something feels off, talk to your partner and listen to yourself if the sessions just are not feeling right. Perhaps you’ll discover you’ve both been searching online, “when to stop marriage counseling” because neither of you feels you’ve made any progress after numerous sessions.

This can all sound a bit bleak, but before you jump the ship on counseling altogether, a shift in who you go to might be all the change you need. For example, if you feel your current counselor is discussing divorce too much, it would be a good idea to go to a team that practices pro-relationship therapy like Well Marriage Center.

What are the Signs Marriage Counseling is Working?

 With a better understanding of what a bad situation can be, here are some clues that your counselor is a good fit: 

  • It Feels like Collaboration: You should feel like the therapist is on your team. For example, are they asking the right questions, are they truly wanting to get to know you both, do they demonstrate a good understanding of your relationship after multiple sessions, and are they focusing on the strengths of your relationship? If your couples therapist is taking sides, that is a sign that healing in your relationship will likely not occur. 
  • You Don’t Dread Going: If you and your partner are excited about going to therapy to work on creating the best situation, that is a great sign it is going well. Dreading going to counseling because you feel like all it does is start conflict could mean that your current session environment is not conducive to healing the relationship. 
  • You Are Doing the Work at Home: It is a great sign if all the hard work both of you put in does not end when you leave the session. You should be excited to put what you have been learning and practicing in therapy into action. When your therapist gives you a mindfulness activity to try the next time an argument starts, both parties should be excited to pause and implement it. 

Well Marriage Center: Where Happy Futures Begin

When you invest in relationship counseling with one of our therapists at Well Marriage Center, you can trust you’re getting paired with certified therapists that have a wide range of treatment frameworks. It can also put your mind at ease that all of our therapists have dedicated their careers to solely helping couples forward.  It is always beneficial to have a marriage counselor in your community: one who is deeply experienced with the nuances of committed partner relationships and who wants to see your marriage succeed and thrive. 

Contact us today to set up a consultation with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. She is ready and waiting to answer any questions you may have to ensure you are matched with the right counselor. 


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What Should I Not Tell a Marriage Counselor?

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All relationships go through phases. Sometimes, you’re perfectly in sync with your partner and your personalities just click. You are open when communicating with each other, and you are excited to celebrate their wins or weather their losses together. Then there are times when you can’t seem to agree on anything. Whether it’s spending habits or how they chew, sometimes your partner just irritates you. There are also the times in between, when you and your partner settle into your routines. You may start to feel more like coworkers and roommates while doing chores, running errands, or raising kids and pets. Whichever stage you’re in, you’re not alone. Couples across the globe struggle to keep the spark alive when everyday life gets in the way.

And, while you’re not alone in your experience, you also don’t have to be alone in working toward a more solid relationship. That’s where marriage counseling comes in. In fact, 49% of couples have attended some form of counseling with their partner, even if they aren’t married. A growing number of couples are seeing the benefits that sessions can have on their relationships, such as improving communication, identifying the root causes of conflicts, and strengthening emotional and physical intimacy. Yet, it’s not uncommon to feel hesitant to open up about your private life to a professional. Lacking answers to questions like “What do you say at marriage counseling?” and “Why does marriage counseling fail?” can prevent couples from seeking help, even when they truly need it. 

At Well Marriage Center, our goal is to make the benefits of couples therapy accessible to all, so we’ve put together this guide on marriage counseling: what not to say. 

What Not To Say During Couples Counseling?

While you shouldn’t hide anything from your couples therapist, there are certain phrases or ways of saying things that will harm your relationship further instead of healing it. Oftentimes, these phrases are ways of lashing out about problems rather than identifying and working to solve them, which causes both sides to feel worse after marriage counseling. Here’s a list of phrases you should avoid in favor of more reflective ones:  

“No, You’re Wrong…”

While both you and your partner should feel comfortable expressing how you feel, shutting down the other party’s perspective or playing the blame game closes off communication and leaves no room for growth. The same situation could be interpreted completely differently by you and your partner. If they start to open up about what they experienced and you interrupt with “You’re wrong,” you won’t get the chance to understand their perspective. You don’t necessarily have to agree with your partner’s version of events, but it helps to know what they are in order to get to the root cause of your disconnect. 

“Don’t Tell My Partner This…”

You don’t want to create a situation with your couples therapist taking sides. Asking your therapist to keep a secret from your partner can put them in a tricky situation. Should they take your side and keep your secret or should they take your partner’s side—revealing your secret and possibly compromising the relationship while betraying your trust? If you have information that you aren’t sure how to share with your partner, however, it is okay to ask your therapist to help create a plan to have that conversation. 

“I’m Done. I Want a Divorce.”

Often, this is purely an expression of frustration and a way to try to make your partner feel small. We can tell because if you really wanted to end the relationship, you would be meeting with a divorce lawyer instead of a couples therapist. Instead of this phrase that can only result in your partner getting defensive or shouting back the same, it’s more constructive to explain the feelings behind those words. Are you struggling to believe that things could get better, or has your partner hurt you in a way that you don’t feel you can move on from?  

What Do You Say During Marriage Counseling?

If you find yourself ready to lash out with words that you hope will do some damage, then you should say something different. When you feel like using any of the above phrases, here’s a list of what you could say instead:

“No, You’re Wrong…”

  • Instead, say “I understand why you feel this way, but I had a different experience during this situation.”

“Don’t Tell My Partner This…”

  • Instead, say “I’m not sure how to tell my partner this. Can you help me bring this up once our relationship is strong enough?”

“I’m Done. I Want a Divorce.”

  • Instead, say “I don’t feel that you’re trying to understand my concerns as we work on our relationship.”

Using these alternative phrases doesn’t just help prevent tense situations from escalating, they can also help you rekindle your trust and respect. Choosing to not be reactive gives you the chance to learn more about your partner and their experience, which can bring you closer to one another. 

Relationships Are Hard. Navigate the Ups and Downs with Well Marriage Center. 

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” may be sound advice for your garage door, but it isn’t for your relationship. Even if you aren’t experiencing major problems in your relationship, couples therapy can still benefit you and your partner by opening up communication. At Well Marriage Center, we view couples therapy as preventative care. We help you uncover and deal with underlying challenges in your relationship so you can fix them early or heal from unresolved issues. 

That’s why we’ve made getting started with a couples therapist easy. All you have to do is schedule an initial consultation online with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. Then we create a customized plan to help you meet your goals through consistent appointments. Are you ready to build the foundation for a more healthy, intimate relationship? Schedule an appointment to get started! 


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What Are Common Goals In Couples Therapy?

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The idea of going to marriage counseling can feel like the first domino falling for a failing relationship, but this is a tired and untrue sentiment associated with the practice. Deciding that therapy is the right move for the health of your relationship is one of the best actions you can take as a couple. Our team at Well Marriage Center puts our all into helping couples establish healthy practices they can implement every day so that you can find your way back to one another. 

Every couple we see is unique. Some come in with goals and a plan to attack the hurdles in their relationship, and others feel that something is off but want a professional to talk with. Whether you are in one of these camps or another altogether, there is hope for your unique relationship. Our aim with this blog is to cover the more common goals related to couples counseling so you can go to your sessions with confidence and a plan of action. 

What Is The Most Common Problem Addressed In Couples Therapy?

There is not a single problem that comes up more often than others. Normally, we see a combination of elements that has led a couple to our offices:

  • Communication Issues
  • Emotional Disconnect
  • Affairs & Infidelity
  • Intimacy Issues
  • Significant Life Events
  • Overcoming & Processing Trauma

What Are Examples Of Goals For Therapy?

Therapy goals help outline each session and create a structured path towards a happy relationship. Here are several examples our therapists see that can lead to successful results. 

  • Identify the Root Cause of the Problem: Couples may come to our office for one major issue or a host of irritations, but there is usually more under the surface that has led them to this point. Finding the root of an issue will shed light on all the related topics that both parties need to address. For example, you may be frustrated that your partner never plans anything for both of you to do. But perhaps at the root, you find there is an imbalance of relationship responsibilities that neither of you has addressed head-on. 
  • Better Understand Your Partner’s Perspective: Everyone has a lot going on in their life, and it is easy to lose sight of one another. Therapy creates an environment where both of you sit and hear each other honestly. A past situation that seemed trivial to you could have had a profound emotional impact on your partner, turning a molehill into a mountain. Coming to counseling to understand each other more deeply is a fundamental goal that is a great indicator of success. 
  • Enhance Intimacy: Intimacy is vital, as we thrive on close personal relationships with one another. However, intimacy is often solely thought of as a sexual relationship between two people. Couples counseling will expose you to other types of intimacy, such as experiential, emotional, and intellectual intimacy. Couples can have great sexual intimacy, but if the other types are not being met, your relationship could lack key elements of trust and vulnerability.
  • Achieve Better Communication: It is not uncommon for someone to feel blindsided by couples therapy. In some cases, one party may be ignoring important issues and feel that the relationship is fine. This lack of communication is something consistent sessions can fix over time. Keeping what is bothering you bottled up will lead to festering resentment towards your partner. Therapy can teach you healthy and straightforward communication methods that help avoid meaningless arguments. 

Is It Normal For Unmarried Couples To Go To Counseling?

It is absolutely normal for unmarried couples to go to counseling. Regardless of your marital status, holding off on discussing issues can lead to other, more significant problems. This is only one of the many stigmas around couples counseling that we are working to do away with here at Well Marriage Center. Additionally, we believe that heading into couples therapy even before problems arise can help you build a foundation that lasts.

Practicing healthy communication through therapy at any stage in a relationship enables couples to be better equipped when challenges do arise. Think of it like this—couples therapy is like taking care of your body by going to the gym. You don’t start going after you pull a muscle or break a bone. You go before problems start to appear to ensure that you are capable of surviving, healing, and then moving on.

What Is The Best Therapy For Relationship Problems? 

There are many different forms of couples therapy that counselors will attempt to implement to fix complex relationship issues. Some counselors will keep divorce on the table early on as an option for the couple. That is not how our team sees a successful change for a couple. Well Marriage Center believes that couples enter counseling because they want to get their relationship back to a point where respect, love, and affection are front and center. The best way to achieve this is through what we call pro-relationship counseling. A pro-relationship counselor always advocates for saving, healing, and restoring your relationship. Our team uses clinically proven methods and is committed to avoiding divorce or separation whenever possible.

Well Marriage Center: Where Happily Ever After Begins

Your relationship is special, which is why we refrain from cookie-cutter questions like “what seems to be the problem?” Over our 30+ years of experience with over 15,000 couples, we’ve repeatedly seen our pro-relationship and strengths-based approach work. When we meet with a couple, we start with an extended session (90 minutes) and begin our time with a structured relationship strength-and-wellness assessment. Our counselors are committed to helping you build a brighter relationship future. 

Get started here to put the spark back in your relationship. 


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How Long Is Too Long for Couples Therapy?

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It can be intimidating and scary to join the 49% of couples who attend marriage counseling (or to be part of the 52% who are interested in trying it). Whether you’re currently going to sessions or considering starting, you may be wondering how long this process will take. What’s the average length of marriage counseling? Can you stay in couples therapy too long? 

Don’t worry! All your questions will be answered. From our experience working with over 15,000 couples here at Well Marriage Center, we know that the topic of couples counseling can be sensitive, especially when the stakes feel so high. Let’s get started with some of the most common questions about couples counseling. 

Note: At Well Marriage Center, we use the terms “marriage counseling,” “couples counseling,” and “couples therapy” interchangeably, and we offer our services to any couple—regardless of their marital status. The term “marriage” can be exclusionary or uncomfortable, and we aim to provide an environment that’s welcoming to all couples. What matters most is you, your relationship, and your desire to rediscover joy with your partner.

How Long Do Couples Usually Go to Therapy?

In general, the average length of couples therapy that we see at Well Marriage Center is 12-25 sessions. This takes place over the course of 4 to 10 months. However, the specific number of how many marriage counseling sessions are needed will be determined by your therapist, your unique relationship, and how you and your partner are progressing. Each individual session is typically around the 50 minute mark, although this will vary depending on your therapist.

How Long Is Too Long for Marriage Counseling?

There really isn’t an exact answer to this question because every relationship is different, and every marriage counseling provider has a different approach based on each couple’s unique needs. It’s also important to keep the end goal in mind: a healthy, thriving relationship. Couples therapy is typically designed to be a shorter-term commitment, as opposed to individual therapy, which many people benefit from attending for years. If you’re worried about  couples therapy dragging on forever, be sure to ask your provider about the timeline. 

If you’re feeling like you have been in couples therapy for too long, be sure to consider if you have met your end goal. Have you and your partner learned and implemented communication skills? Are there any unresolved trust or commitment issues lingering? Have you addressed the problems that brought you to couples counseling in the first place? Has your therapist given any guidelines or suggested a potential end goal?

If you and your partner are confident that you have met your end goal, then it’s definitely appropriate to have a conversation with your counselor about wrapping up your sessions. However, if there is still work to be done, then you may want to consider trying a different approach or provider. 

How Long To Try Marriage Counseling Before Divorce

Here at Well Marriage, our focus is on helping couples find their way back to each other. When you’re in the midst of a relationship with serious challenges, we know it can feel overwhelming or even impossible to heal and restore things. But rest assured—there is hope! Our counselors practice pro-relationship counseling, an approach that prioritizes the revitalization of your relationship. We’ve seen so many couples who are convinced they are on the road to splitting up realize through the process of couples therapy that their journey together isn’t over yet. 

When To Stop Marriage Counseling

No matter if you call it “marriage counseling” or “couples therapy,” the fact is that your sessions are not going to last forever. There will come a point where you and your partner have learned how to communicate better and are building a healthy relationship together. In general, look for signs that marriage counseling is working: 

  • You and your partner don’t have as much conflict
  • You have great communication strategies in place (and are practicing them!)
  • You’ve settled on realistic solutions to issues
  • Your relationship is happier and healthier

Your goals will vary, of course, and it’s also a fantastic idea to talk with your counselor about when to stop marriage counseling. After all, they want the same thing that you do—a thriving relationship. The goal of couples therapy isn’t to stay in couples therapy forever, so it’s completely appropriate to ask your therapist about the process and what signals they look for. 

Is It Worth Going to Couples Therapy?

Absolutely! In fact, we think it’s one of the most beneficial steps you can take for your relationship. We believe that almost every relationship can be transformed into a vibrant partnership, as long as both people are willing to put in the work. 

Often people ask things like, “can couples therapy save my relationship?” It’s important to remember that there are so many variables involved, and every relationship will be different. Because of this, it’s difficult to properly assess the effectiveness of couples therapy and impossible to answer this question with a direct yes or no. However, one study found that going through couples counseling can improve outcomes for couples, like relationship satisfaction, communication skills, and general well-being. 

Well Marriage: Couples Therapy Customized for You

Through our experiences at Well Marriage Center, we’ve seen incredible results time after time. We specialize in couples and use a variety of techniques to meet the needs of each unique relationship. Our counselors use empirically-backed approaches and interventions like:

  • Dr. Ellyn Bader – Developmental Model of Couples Therapy (our personal favorite)
  • Dr. John Gottman – Gottman Institute
  • Dr. Sue Johnson – Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
  • Dr. Harville Hendrix – Imago Therapy
  • Dr. Esther Perel – Eroticism and Desire
  • Dr. Terry Real – Relational Life Institute

We’ll work closely with you to make sure that your couples therapy is the right length and uses techniques that are fitted to your relationship goals and challenges.  If you’re interested in learning more, we invite you to privately explore our website and learn more about what we offer, where we’re located, and what our services cost. 

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How Long Do Couples Usually Go to Counseling?

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Challenging issues  in a relationship can be tough to work through on your own. And research tells us that it takes over two and a half years before couples attempt to address their concerns through marriage counseling. But is counseling really worth it? The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy estimates that the marriage counseling success rate is about 70% and, in some instances, the longer you attend counseling, the higher your chances of success. Of course, the average length of marriage counseling is different for every couple, but ultimately you should expect 10 – 25 sessions for success. Each counseling plan should be tailored to your specific needs. 

At Well Marriage Center, we believe that creating a customized plan around your goals can help you and your significant other discover a renewed, more mature, intimacy and partnership. In this blog, we’re going to talk about marriage counseling (also known as couples therapy) and how long you should expect your sessions to last. 

How Long Does Couples Therapy Take to Work?

Couples therapy lasts between 10 and 25 sessions on average. A typical therapy plan will most likely have you attend more frequently at the beginning of your counseling (around once a week) and lessen over time (to around once a month). Depending on your progress, the number of sessions will be determined by your therapist. After deciding what would be beneficial for you as a couple and what your end goals are, counseling could last up to a  few years to complete successfully. Don’t let this be daunting, however. Healing and growing  your marriage takes commitment, but has proven successful for over 12,000 couples with Well Marriage CenterOne of the biggest predictors of marriage counseling success is the experience of your therapist, and our therapists have devoted their careers to helping couples like you.

To make the most of your time, you should follow these actions to increase the likelihood of success:

  1. Set personal goals to: 
  • Address what you’re bringing to the table
  • How they impact your relationship
  • What steps you can take to acknowledge your shortcomings
  • Ways to change your behaviors. 

Marriage counseling is not  a place to point fingers at your partner. Remember that they will be taking the same steps as you.Reliving blame can perpetuate toxic cycles instead of finding a way forward.

  1. Find vulnerability in the safe space so you can be open and honest about how you’re feeling. Holding back feelings of anger, annoyance, resentment, helplessness, and embarrassment helps no one—especially yourself. Telling your partner how you feel might open new doors for stronger communication.
  2. Give the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume your partner is being insincere or dishonest. Part of accepting and acknowledging this is recognizing your intentions and insecurities. 
  3. Understand that partnership isn’t making each other whole. Be a “whole” person independent of your significant other. Relying on your partner to meet all of your needs for happiness puts a lot of pressure on them, which can lead to anger and resentment, rather than love and support.
  4. Put in the time and effort your partnership requires. Rather than counting down the sessions, go into each one with an open mind and willingness to participate. You won’t find success without putting in the work.

When it comes to marriage counseling and what to expect, Well Marriage Center likes to address the following first: 

  • interrupt toxic cycles you may be stuck in (arguments, high conflict, blame game, criticisms)
  • generate a little momentum and spark (disconnected, sexless couples, cold relationships)
  • address trauma that your relationship may be experiencing (infidelity, loss, old or new trauma)

Making progress with these goals are significant signs marriage counseling is working. Seeing improvement is great! Depending on your goals as a couple and as individuals, you may work out a longer plan with your therapist.  You should  expect to attend all of the sessions laid out in your initial settings as part of your larger plan to really introduce and implement new techniques in your relationship and make sure they stick.

Is Couples Counseling a Bad Thing?

Absolutely not! Attending counseling does not mean your partnership has failed, it means you want it to succeed. Couples counseling is an important solution to working through issues with your partner. While we would all like to avoid confronting the faults in our relationship, marriage counseling can be a beneficial and positive experience. Not only that, but investing in couples counseling is important to show you’re committed to making the relationship work. A good therapist will make you feel comfortable as a couple with a safe space to voice your feelings and guide you through any rough patches you might encounter. Counseling can be difficult, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it.

It’s also important to note that therapy can still be a resource after the initial reasons for visiting are resolved. After therapy, many couples work yearly visits with their therapist into their long term plans to promote commitment, accountability, and communication. Going to therapy while the relationship is in a good place can be beneficial too, as it lays positive groundwork for the future. As part of our mission to help all couples build a better future together, Well Marriage Center even offers therapeutic premarital and dating services for those who are in committed relationships regardless of their legal status.

Marriage Counseling Built for You

At Well Marriage Center, we know marriage counseling actually works and we have the numbers to prove it! Even in situations when the couple believed it would be too late or the relationship was too damaged, we’ve seen therapy turn it around in thousands of our clients. We make time for you to work through your strengths and weaknesses as a couple so we can learn about you and help us develop a plan specifically for you. 

If you’re ready to take the next steps for your marriage, visit our website. You can get started by filling out our intake form and getting in contact with our intake coordinator, Melinda. 


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How Long Does Marriage Counseling Take?

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How much time would you be willing to spend a week to get a happier, healthier, more enriching relationship with your spouse or partner? Marriage counseling sessions typically take around 50 minutes per session, with the  average length of marriage counseling  totaling 12-25 conversations over the course of a few months. The return on this time can be transformative and Well Marriage Center is here to answer all your questions about the timing and length of marriage counseling. Here’s what you need to know!

But First…Couples Therapy vs Marriage Counseling

Before we dig into how long marriage counseling takes, we want to clarify that we do not see a difference between couples therapy and marriage counseling. We create a safe space for every relationship to be built, healed, or restored, regardless of if there is a legal marriage or a different style of commitment. Whether you call it marriage counseling, couples therapy, or some other combination of terms, the goals of reducing conflict, restoring intimacy and trust, and developing better communication are the same. Whatever type of committed relationship you are in, our team has dedicated their careers to helping couples build a better foundation for the future. 

When To Go To Couples Therapy

When a relationship is already going through challenges, setting aside time each week for couples therapy can feel like a big ask. Often, couples choose to look in the other direction and hope the phase will pass instead of seeking targeted help for long-term problems. When these issues reach a breaking point,  often the best option is couples therapy. In fact, if you’re thinking you might need therapy, it might be time to schedule an initial session. But when should you put it on the calendar? It’s important to choose a time that can regularly work for you, your partner, and your mutual schedules. If you can schedule a recurring appointment for the same time and weekday, then nurturing your relationship starts to become a healthy part of your routine more naturally. 

How Often Should You Go To Couples Therapy?

At Well Marriage Center, we recommend our couples start with weekly therapy sessions. This allows participants to start forming better habits and addressing issues in an environment of supportive accountability. After the first few sessions have laid a foundation for progress and determined your end goals as a couple, you may agree to start meeting bi-monthly, and eventually once a month or even less. This gradual decline in the number of sessions you need to attend is supported by better daily experiences in the relationship as the lessons from therapy take root and help you grow together in the right direction. However, every couple is different. Some may decide to further benefit from prolonged therapy  to truly heal and resolve relationship traumas. You should go to couples therapy for as long as it feels supportive and beneficial towards your relationship goals. 

How Long Does Couples Therapy Take To Work?

Couples generally attend between 12-25 sessions of therapy before they arrive at a place where they are satisfied with their growth. However, that doesn’t mean it takes 12 sessions for therapy to show any results. Week to week, you and your partner will be following techniques and activities in your daily life to reinforce what you have discussed with your therapist. As you grow and get more in tune through doing the work, the benefits will show up along the journey.

You’ll focus on identifying and honoring the strengths that still exist within your relationship, as well as set goals for communication, conflict resolution, and moving forward. Through these techniques, therapy can begin to reset negative or toxic patterns in your relationship from the first session onward. For some couples, these small, foundational changes may take longer to emerge because every relationship is unique. You can always talk to your therapist about your goals and timelines during a session. 

Some couples are concerned about how long marriage counseling takes to work in specific situations, like at the beginning of a marriage or when it is at risk of ending. Here are some more specific answers to common questions. 

Should You Go To Couples Therapy Before Marriage?

Investing in a pre-marriage therapy program is an excellent way to get your married life off to a strong start. Even though marriage is an exciting time of hope and planning for the future, it can also feel uncertain, overwhelming, and even confusing based on past events in the relationship. During our pre-marital program, you will meet with a Well Marriage Center therapist for as many sessions as you agree on. These conversations will be dedicated to your personal histories and dating story, any current concerns about the relationship, and the goals and plans you have set for the future. 

One thing that makes our pre-marital program unique is that we meet twice again after you are married, once around the six-month point and once around your one-year anniversary. This establishes a few neutral touchpoints for you and your new spouse to check in around goals and discuss anything new that has arisen after the knot is tied. 

Does Marriage Counseling Work After Separation? 

Yes, marriage counseling can work for both the couple and an individual after separation. It depends on the goals you have moving forward from the separation. If you want to reconcile and heal the relationship, marriage counseling provides a neutral opportunity to talk about what has gone wrong in the short-term and how it has impacted the long-term relationship. At Well Marriage Center, we practice pro-relationship counseling, seeking to heal and restore your relationship along with you even when you aren’t sure it’s possible. On the other hand, there might be no way to reconcile, but one or both parties need support adjusting to life outside of marriage. A licensed marriage counselor can also help with this, empowering you to figure out what went wrong in the relationship and help you avoid repeating similar issues in the future. Whether you want to fix the separation or heal yourself on the other side, marriage counseling can help. 

Well Marriage Center Helps You Keep Healing

The relationship specialists at Well Marriage Center are committed to helping you restore your relationship with each session you invest. They’ve dedicated their entire careers to helping couples just like you, whether you hope to be done with marriage counseling in just 12 sessions, or you think 25 doesn’t sound like enough. The good news is that you and your partner set the pace and get to have input about how many sessions you think you need. Whether we see you every week or once a month, we want you to leave each meeting feeling like you achieved something together and know what to work on next. That’s how healing happens–one day at a time, slowly but surely. We’re here to stick with you throughout the journey! Set up a conversation with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda, to share a little bit about where your relationship is at and where you want to go.


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Is Marriage Counseling Really Worth It?

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Yes—marriage counseling (or couples therapy) is worth it. It’s an opportunity to come together with your partner, away from the hustle and bustle of life, and solely focus on each other. Many couples find their relationship feels a bit fresher, more intimate and connected, and stronger after marriage counseling. Some even say, “it’s the best it’s ever been!” 

If you’re asking the “Is it worth it?” question, you might also have a few “marriage counseling success rate” or “does marriage counseling work statistics” searches in your web browser history. And we don’t blame you—it can be helpful to hear what others have experienced. However, we have found at Well Marriage Center that every relationship is incredibly different and intricate, and these statistics should not be taken to heart for your own marriage. 

Still, it’s smart to research marriage counseling before embarking on the journey. This will help you and your partner know what to expect and take full advantage of the many benefits. So let’s talk marriage counseling and why exactly it’s worth your time and energy.  

Can a Marriage Be Saved Without Counseling?

Some marriages can certainly be saved without counseling—but involving a skilled marriage therapist can definitely help! Although when more challenging and painful issues are present, couples therapy might be the only answer to saving a marriage. This is because counseling offers many benefits that couples cannot take advantage of on their own, such as:

  • An Unbiased Third Party – A trained therapist will listen to all sides of a discussion and objectively tell each party what they are hearing and observing. This professional, outsider perspective will help you peel back the layers of what your partner is thinking and feeling in new ways you may not have considered before. Stepping outside of your own thoughts and emotions to put yourself in your partner’s shoes is a relationship roadblock for many couples.
  • Accountability – Using a marriage counselor will help keep you and your partner accountable to working toward a healthier, happier marriage through regular sessions and follow-ups. There never seems to be a “right” time to talk about relationship problems—the combination of honesty and vulnerability makes many of us shy away from these difficult discussions.  
  • Expert Relationship Insight – A counselor is a licensed and trained professional to help in a variety of individual situations. Well Marriage Center therapists, for example, have taken many extra steps to specialize in couples therapy and relationship science. When you choose to work with a licensed Well Marriage Center specialist, you get access to a vast wealth of knowledge and expertise specially tailored for relationships.

Can Marriage Counseling Make Things Worse?

The answer here, unfortunately, is yes. When a couple sits with a licensed therapist who is well-meaning but not deeply trained in relationship science—that therapist can sometimes make things worse. They’re more likely to stay at the surface level or run out of ideas, leaving the couple feeling frustrated and hopeless. 

However, this doesn’t happen at Well Marriage Center. We specialize in relationship science—and that’s all we do! Our unique training allows us to dig deep and actively improve your relationship over the course of your sessions. 

Another issue some couples encounter in couples therapy is “neutral” counseling. This means the counselor is neutral as to whether or not the counseling leads to separation or staying together. Depending on the circumstances, marriage-neutral counselors may even encourage a couple to separate if they feel the relationship isn’t worth saving. Neutral marriage counseling gives couples therapy a bad reputation and may lead to feelings of discouragement and the belief that marriage counseling will only ruin your relationship. 

This is why we practice “pro-relationship” counseling at Well Marriage Center. A pro-relationship counselor will always advocate for saving, healing, and restoring your relationship. Our team is committed to avoiding divorce or separation whenever possible. And in our 30+ years of experience, we’ve seen this method work time and time again—even for couples who felt there was no hope for their marriage. 

What Type of Therapist Is Best for Marriage Counseling?

To avoid counseling that could make your relationship worse, it is vital to choose the right therapist. Here are some tips to keep in mind when researching marriage counselors:

  • Go for experience. Someone who’s been working as a counselor for 10+ years is going to have plenty of clinical experience to back their advice and problem solving. They will have had time to nail down the best techniques for all of the common marriage problems like affairs, communication breakdowns, parenting styles, and beyond. Plus, they are required to meet continuing education requirements each year, meaning they are always learning new things to keep a fresh perspective. 
  • Check your therapist’s credentials. Look for an “About Me” page on their website or contact their office to inquire about their background. They should clearly list their credential abbreviations after their name, like LCPC (Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor) or LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). If you want to ensure their licensure is in good standing, most states will have a licensure search website so you can verify that someone’s license status is “active.” For example, here’s Maryland’s State Board Of Professional Counselors & Therapists licensure verification page, where you can search for LCPCs by last name. 
  • If something seems off, don’t hesitate to switch counselors. You aren’t committed to sticking with the first therapist you try—or any therapist for that matter. For example, if you are nonreligious but your therapist suggests religious-based coping mechanisms—that’s a huge red flag. Counselors should always respect your beliefs even if they do not share them. Some other warning signs to look out for include the therapist breaking confidentiality, judging you, failing to listen, encouraging placing blame on others, etc. 
  • Consider using a “strengths-based” marriage counselor. This is a more positive approach to couples therapy that focuses on determining each party’s relational strengths and using that knowledge to work through destructive and toxic behaviors. One study on therapist use of client strengths found that “Therapists described strength work as having many advantages. It was perceived as building trust in the therapeutic relationship, motivating clients and instilling hope, and demonstrating the therapist’s hope for and belief in the client.” Our therapists at the Well Marriage Center would agree, as we have found this approach reduces the time you are in therapy and helps you navigate difficulties more gently and successfully.

Have More Couples Therapy Questions? Well Marriage Center Has the Answers!

If you and your partner are ready and willing to try new things to break old patterns, then marriage counseling has the potential to transform your relationship. We encourage those looking into marriage counseling to privately explore our website to learn more about the process and what to expect. This is an emotional and extremely personal journey, so do all that you can to get comfortable with the idea before jumping in. 

Once you’re ready (or even if you still have some questions), get in touch with us! With Well Marriage Center, you’ll get:

  • A team devoted to relationship sciences and support
  • Pro-relationship therapists
  • Inclusivity of any kind of relationship 
  • Virtual or in-person session options
  • Fully employed and licensed therapists (instead of contractors)
  • A thorough matching process to put the right therapist with each client

If you’re ready to begin, start by filling out our short intake form and setting up a consultation with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. She will walk you through the process and ensure you are connected with the best counselor for your needs. 

Relationships are hard work! We would love to guide you through the challenges and help you find your way back to one another.


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