We’ve all been there. We’ve had romantic relationships where it feels as though there is some sort of disconnect between ourselves and our partner. Our relationship communication turns disjointed, sometimes even nonexistent or aggressive, and it can create a separation. Some couples are able to work through these issues while others feel they have to call it quits. Before reaching that breaking point, you and your partner can take steps to remediate your problems.
In this blog, we discuss what causes communication issues and how to fix communication in your relationship. We’ll also recommend a couples therapy center with experts who ask more than the surface level couples therapy communication questions.
What Causes a Lack of Communication in Marriage and Other Romantic Relationships?
Most, if not all, causes of a lack of communication in a relationship stem from deeper issues, including:
- Different communication styles: Different people have varying types of communication in relationships. Some are direct, some only hint at their feelings, and still others may come off as overpowering. Individuals even have different ways of showing and feeling love. Disparate communication styles can warp messages in translation, leaving partners feeling unheard.
- Unmet needs: This issue goes hand-in-hand with having different communication styles. Individuals who feel as though their significant other isn’t providing what they need in a relationship may start to distance themselves. This, in turn, will result in even less communication between partners.
- Jealousy: When you or your partner feel hostility towards the other person for spending time or communicating with friends and colleagues, it can lead to anger or resentment. You may end up building walls in your relationship and blocking communication.
- Prior trauma: Our past experiences often affect how we act and communicate in the present. Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.” It really means that no matter what you’ve thought you’ve overcome, your weakest moments can remind you of those previous experiences. When you sense trouble in your relationship, you may remember your past (or subconsciously be re-enacting it) and use defense mechanisms or negative coping strategies that result in a lack of communication.
These are only a few examples of problems that lead to poor communication in relationships. With a specialized couples therapist like ours at Well Marriage Center, you can spot and uproot those problems to plant healthier communication into your relationship.
Can a Relationship Survive Without Communication?
As hard as it may be to hear, a relationship cannot survive without communication. It leaves you and your partner feeling isolated, angry, and sad. It can turn the smallest disagreements into the biggest arguments. It may even cause you to question why you two are in a relationship in the first place.
Just because your relationship may lack communication now doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. No matter how long you and your partner have struggled talking to each other, you can turn it around and start fresh by taking the appropriate steps and accepting help from a professional when needed.
How to Deal With No Communication in a Relationship
Rather than learning to deal with a lack of communication, you should instead find ways to improve communication in your relationship. There are a few key actions you can take to accomplish that goal:
- Kickstart communication. Sometimes leaving your home to talk or setting aside designated time to have a conversation can ensure that you explore those deeper questions and concerns that you need to discuss with one another.
- Listen to one another. That means without distractions and without trying to decide what you want to say next. Engage with your significant other, and show them that you understand what they’re saying. Ask questions as necessary to better understand the message they want to get across. You may even repeat back what they said to you to make sure you comprehended them correctly.
- Empathize with the other person. When your significant other is expressing their feelings, avoid putting on a defensive air. Instead, work to understand their point of view, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.
- Work as a team. Odds are that you both played a part in the lack of communication in your relationship. Take responsibility for what you might have done to contribute to the issues and move forward. Since your relationship is, in fact, a partnership, you both need to work together to uncover and unravel any deeper issues that may have gotten you to where you are.
- Talk to a marriage counselor or couples therapist. Working with relationship-friendly professionals (experts whose first solution isn’t separation or divorce) like those at Well Marriage Center can give you the safe space, communication skills advice, and the knowledge you need to discover your deeper problems and work through them together as opposed to against one another.
Take Steps Towards Improved Communication at Well Marriage Center
We at Well Marriage Center want to see your relationship succeed as much as you do. That’s why instead of going through some of the typical communication exercises you might expect from online tips or self-help books, you will experience more meaningful questions and deeper conversations to find what’s really causing the poor communication in your relationship. With our experience and expertise working with couples, you’ll have the opportunity to build a relationship stronger than ever. To get started, contact our intake coordinator or schedule online.